Again some bitter response to my regular topics that I encounter in my daily swell as a Nurse Student and loyal jerk.
The last school-time (4 weeks after my holidays) was a haze, I mean it was really intense and I have to say the kidneys really fuck up even the anatomy and physiology lovers like me. I really had to learn for the test because the anatomy was so fucked up and the kidneys are a bunch of fuckers 
Beside the fact that I finally did not manage to properly catheterize a male or female without getting unsterile, I just faced the fact again how dangerous it could sometimes be to do something you haven’t really learned yet. Pushing a catheter in an uthetra is far easy, but working completely sterile and having your mind set up for working proper.
The first time I assisted in catheterizing a patient (it was four years ago during my first surgical nursing internship), the nurse screwed up completely and we had a massive ammount of blood flashblack which is a sign for a perforized urethra. The man needed a surcigal reconstruction. This was the lesson for me not to push the catether further into the bladder if you have a resistence.
Also the school time was sick time again. I went sick and had a nasty flu , I even had to take a day off because I was so sick. I hate the flu because it fucks me up completely with back pain and having the feeling of drowning in my own snot. The whole flu thing was an epidemy, maybe a pandemy in my nursing class…from 20 people over 16 got sick and it started with one girl who catched up some multi-resistant bastard virus from a patient in ambulatory care. One day only half of the class attended the day, which was kind of relaxing.
Since I started my job and work with infectious patients on a daily basis, I went aware of my own immortality. I got infected 4 times (two times with a diarrhea-vomiting-combination virus and several times with a nasty flu) from patients and all these diseases were heavy. I don’t think that my immune system is weak, I just started to think that I got exposed to bacterias and other bastards which are part of the elite force.
Back to work in ambulatory care and driving around from patients residencys is kind of…not challening for me. The whole thing is fun though and the patients are nice (most of them) and I appreciate the very good nursing they do with the patients, but I quickly realized that a hospital is a better place for me to be. Same work in a different backround, of course you can take an idea of lessons.
The part of my work that sickens me the most is the lack of energy, the all-the-time tiredness, the lack of sleep, the disturbed sleep pattern and the feeling that you got after you finished your shift. You are just empty and your body feels like you just did a marathon. After the thrilling drive home, you go to bed and cannot sleep because you had very much changes in your shifts. Shit game!?
I look kind of retarded when I start my shift in the morning. I pass the death-hall, go left and then I’m in this shithole of dressing room which is in the most cases cold like a fucking refrigerator. When I’m finished scrubbing, you walk the way to the hall and you listen to the noise the fans outside, the cooling system of the cafeteria and the isolated sounds of elevators and automatic doors. It’s a silence you percept every morning. You enter the ward and the workload begins.
Despite beeing VERY bored at the home nursing care time I have to spend I had a sense of archievement today. I stated in my nursing plan that a female patient with severe contractions was able to stand with aid of kinaestetic movement of a nurse and that she was able to wash herself. An elderly care nurse with 20 years+ experience said that this would be impossible but I said try it out, and I WAS FUCKING RIGHT. The training and my sharp eye in assesment and nursing diagnosis led to the great event that a women was able to wash herself the first time again in two years! These rare events are the reason for doing this!
Today I remembered a time far far away, where Daniel and me were dependend on bicycles and we met in the middle of our ways which was Hostert and we drove around with our bikes and did a lot of shit. Also the time we met in the middle of nothing with some friends and drank cheap alcohol, nothing compared to the ammounts we stuff in ourselves today. I remember where an old colleauge of mine, Padde and me went drunk in Waldniel and we brought up the idea of jumping into the garden of some poor guys and doing a run. We started our ways through the backyards and this quickly became a pursuit. At one fence, Padde jumped against it (it was kinda high ya know?) and the whole thing fell down…the owner saw this from his TV-chair and went fucking mad. Without orientation where we exactly are we rushed over the next way and ran into the industrial zone and rushed into some bush where we stayed the next 20 minutes. We then quickly disappeared into Paddes summerhouse, where his father a high-ranking police officer showed up after some hours. With bruises and some left bushes in our hair we had to tell him, that we had nothing to do with some “backyard-harvesting” 
I don’t know exactly what pushed the button back in the days were I was in the 11th grade and did my school-orientation-internship at a hospital, but as I was allowed to stay one day at the Surgical Intensive Care Unit and watch the work done there, I was fascinated. Others feel a great ammount of fear when they see the ventilators, the perfusors, the ECMO’s but I was fascinated. I saw what 1 to 1 nursing really means and the endless possibilities and time you got left for your patient. I really like working on the floor wards and despite beeing very challenging I can’t imagine myself in 10 years….beeing a floor nurse and end in a burnout or back pain hole…I always thrived to Intensive an Anaestetic care and I have very little to zero experience in Intensive and Critical Care but I know that I have the potential, the willingness and the philosophy of doing it. I have seen many others doing it, and when they do it I can make it.
Yesterday I found some “old” pictures from good old times. I remembered how easy going it was and that you didn’t have to worry about some things. School was a fun-place, where learning should but never stood on the top of our priorities. We had fun, we acted stupid like lunatics, we were idiots and together we experienced a lot of things. Even in the Oberstufe and in the Abitur time, it was so funny and “loose”. Nobody really cared as much as he should do, and everybody was doing it at the same time. Today I see it as a privilege simply not going to classes like German with the retard fucknut Hr.Osten, today I just can’t stay away from work if I tend to sleep longer. If anybody had told me in the 8th grade I had to get up at 5 o clock to be at work, I’d laugh at him an and tell him to fuck off. Now I’m the fuck-off!
One day in 9th grade, our class (we were the elite-force of troublemakers, and I really mean it we were tough shit for every bloody-beginner teacher) was re-assigned to a new classroom in the second floor. We entered the room the first time in our life and the chaos started. Some guy named Risch****** set some paddings on the wall on fire with new-years-eve firecrackers and Marc and Mueller threw the trashcans out of the class two stories down. After this the trash in the remaining can was emptied on the floor and the broom was destroyed with much energy. We then went to our class-teacher Dr.Ohlemüller and complained about the status of the room and that the other class didn’t managed to clean it up. What bastards we were….
Some weeks ago I had to put out my physics book from 12/13th grade basic physics course. I had to clear something up for me…it was frightening. I sat 1+2 years (1 year pre-course in 11th grade and 2 years in basic course 12/13th grade) for three hours a week and lets say for 40 weeks per year in this old fashioned physics room which makes up a number of 360 hours which are 15 complete days in my life and learned nothing but building a small bomb out of a lighter, building a very good paper-plane and “how-to-conceal-that-I’m-just-about-doing-other-homeworks”. Something is and maybe was completely wrong with the school system.
Having or doing something very often is a mechanism of compensation, not having enough or the dicsability of doing something often enough is a reason to compensate()
Stephan
["If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear!"]
July 6th, 2010 von 
Stephan 
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