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Stephan

["If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear!"]

Cubicles⁽¹⁾ are rare in Germany and they don’t have a long tradition for pranking here, but this can happen when you just take 2 days off:

Stephan

["If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear!"]

1. A cubicle, cubicle desk or office cubicle is a partially enclosed workspace, separated from neighboring workspaces by partitions that are generally five to six feet high. A cubicle is partially or entirely open on one side to allow access. A cubicle’s purpose is to isolate office workers from the sights and noises of an open workspace, the theory being that this allows workers more privacy and helps them to concentrate without distractions [↩]

Nachdem ich “Kopf der Woche” auf meinen Ideenfriedhof verlegt habe, hatte ich nachdem ich die Seite “Best 25 Office Pranks” von Daniel empfohlen bekam eine weitere zündene Idee

Hier wird sich alles wiederfinden was:

1. Man machen kann wenn man kein Bock auf Arbeit hat
2. Man braucht wenn man Tätigkeit simulieren will
3. Man sich ansehen kann wenn man auf der Arbeit hängt
4. Man manipulieren und hax0rn kann!

Also, viel Spaß in der neuen Kategorie

Stephan

["If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear!"]

• There is nothing in nursing you should do intentionally…everything is planned, everything has a reason for doing so!
• Orthopedic nursing is not caring for sick people, it’s caring for (at least) healthy patients (at least they are healthy enough so an Anaestesiologist is doing the anaestesia, which can be some bitch-bashing sometimes!)
• Orthopedic nursing involves a massive amount of knowledge about pain-control and functional anatomy
• The knowledge of languages (God’s english e.g.) is a master skill in nursing, the inability of knowing the language (German) can be a fatal and/or deadly
• Post operative care is a serious business, especially with post operative altered mental status, post operative nausea and vomting and the loss of blood pressure because of massive wound bleedings…don’t fuck up!
• Even the little things (bringing coffee to the patients, putting on anti-thrombose stockings) on a ward are so important and if not done or faulty the effect on the whole system is deadly
• You cannot replace a student/registered nurse with 2-3 interns…this doesn’t work

I’m proud to say that:

• Interns ask me for advice and consultate me for difficult situations
• I’m able to work up a room of 3-4 patiens on my own completely again
• I’m a master in basic morning care nursing (washing, dental care)
• I’m getting a little closer to understanding Diabetes mellitus
• Problem solving is something that I love to do
• My hours over the pharmacological books brought me to such a great knowledge about medications
• I’m one of the few people from my nursing course who is able to administer more than Heparin and Insuline over subcutaneus injections

4 shifts to go –> 3 months off hospital!

Stephan

["If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear!"]

Progress killed the cell-phone star…. This is not only a lame homage to the 80s hit of “The Buggles” (Video killed the radio star…. now that I just saw it, rightfully described as one of the weirdest music videos made in history), but also the definite end of an era that experienced a not so short revival. What era I am talking about? The return of the old-school phone!

After falling victim to my own incautiousness I had been deprived of my cell. I left my personal belongings for a few minutes not locked away in the gym and got robbed by a sneaky bastard. Just for fun I reported the incident at the local police station, but I realised quickly that I would need some kind of replacement for a while.

The solution: Use one of the phones from my parents. The bright side about parental cells: They are in good shape, as they leave them constantly at home (unless its not needed @ work). The back side: They are also satisfied with the not-so-new models. So I ended up using an old Siemens M35 (Siemens isn’t even building cells anymore), a piece my parents bought in a bundle together with the Siemens C35, the latter being my first cell phone… in seventh grade. So there I was, quickly getting used to the old menu that captivated with its simplicity. No music, no camera, no who-cares-it’s-anyway-to-expensive MMS. Just a monochrome display that is sufficient for what cell-phones were originally designed for: Calling - as the younger folks among you maybe don’t know. Oh, and the Siemens M35 can even handle SMS. What else you need?

In the 3/4 of a year that I used the new/old cell I experienced an enormous effect. “Hey I used to have the same - many, many years ago!”. Strangers would approach me and start talking about how fascinating it is to see such a “mature” cell. On this picture you see how I impress the ladies with the cool vintage-like cell.

Who would have thought such an oldie, produced in the early days of the 21st century, would connect people? It’s not even a Nokia. Just recently I received a new one - at the expense of prolonging the contract. Now I have a fine piece of technology, flat as if Don Vito would have sit on it all day, with all the extras I mentioned above and describes as not really necessary. It’s pretty darn cool, and I will be able to do many more things with it than with the M35. Probably I will be able to do everything, except for calling. I am going to work in London for about 6 months as an intern, after that an exchange semester in Warsaw will follow. So that’s a: Hello new phone! Hello roaming costs rip-off!

Daniel

Weekend work sucks, the primary reason for this is, that everybody is supposed to use the weekend for free activities that don’t have any connection to work. The secondary reason is, that in my business the nursing staff is reduced to an absolute minimum during weekends.

The following story is about a shift which I remember VERY CLEARLY even half a year afterwards…it is a story about staff reduction on weekends.

I have to say that this shift was unique, even the Registered Nurses who did their job for twenty and more years were fucked up during that day and I only had such familliar experience during a shift on acute internal medicine intermediate care unit with 17 new admissions.

5:00 - Waking up
5:30 - Driving erectfully to hospital
5:40 - Scrubbing in and changing clothes in a fucking cold dressing room
5:50 - Arriving on ward, going into the staff kitchen, nobody is there
5:52 - After some looking around, I meet the nightwatch nurse…”Well, you gotta do this with just two people and guess what, we have 3 rooms with positive norwalk - virus patients who have acute diarrhea and suffer from extreme vomiting. I call the reserve pool employee and if she can’t respond I will call other wards…until somebody arrives I will stay here and help Doro”
5:53 - I’m alone on the floor, the two nurses are disappeared to clean a patient who threw around his shit
5:55 - I took a look on the patient list, and decide to go to room No. 28, three patients who need acute care.

Bed Number 1: Patient from elderly care with unknown reduction of general condition, nutrition over PEG . No response not even eye contact during assessment and nursing. Complete morning care and bed-wash which is complicated because of severe contractions .

Bed Number 2: Patient from elderly care with unknown diarrhea and cardiac-insufficiency. Very bad condition, Diabetes Type II with blood sugar levels out of control (around 500-600). Needs mobilization every 2 hours because of decubitus level 3 on the rump. Incontinent and has a crush for pulling out his foley - catheter and you can expect a bed full of watery shit. Of course it’s not the kind of patient that walks around and is able to walk to the bath.

Bed Number 3: Patient who lives at home, but has a very bad pulmonary edema and therefore a great respiratory distress (Every breath sounds like a suction unit on the dentist with a lot of fluid in the lungs). Admission from Intensive Care Unit and stayed one day on the floor due to intense monitoring of the patients condition. Permanent Oxgygen Therapy and has a weight of 130kg. Because of the permanent exhaustion the patient is not even able to pull up his arm.

5:58 - I start to wash all the patients, first is bed No.1
6:05 - Interrupted by patient bell: “I gotta go to toilet (Diarrhea)”
6:07 - Interrupted by patient bell, “I gotta use the fucking bedpan, I’m about to shit my pants”
6:08 - Patient in Room 28, Bed Number 3 needs to sit up because he has massive respiratory distress and isn’t able to breath properly. I catch up the suction unit and make it ready because of a bad feeling.
6:12 - Interrupted by patient bell “I’m sorry I puked on my bed!”
6:14 - During cleanup of the bed full of puke, the patient who needed the bedpan rings…I need another bedpan this one is full…I don’t believe it but it’s fucking true! During the bedpan handover manuever about a glass full of watery shit lands in the bed. “I clean this up, right?”
6:16 - Back at Patient Number 1, I finish the upper body wash
6:21 - Patient who puked, puked again this time in the bowl but he wasn’t fast enough so he used the floor instead.
6:25 - Patient Number 1 again, this time the lower body part and genital hygene…
6:31 - Still haven’t seen another nurse I page the internal medicine resident on duty, no response.
6:35 - Blood pressure at Patient Number 1 is dangerously low (About 80/50 which is fucking serious!)…I take a look at the chart and can find an order for Ringer Lactate Infusion . I’m hesitating a moment because I’m not allowed to push in infusions without approval and supervision of a Registered Nurse. I ask the Registered Nurse and she said, yeah you gotta do it but don’t ask too many things we’re busy here (they were busy with a patient who ripped out all of his stitches and needles, the foley cathether and even ripped of his dressings…all of a sudden the had a low Hb-Level and also his skin colour went from normal to white and he is shivering.
6:45 - I hang on the IV Fluids on patient 1…patient Number 3 (respiratory distress) is couchging more and more…I page the internal medicine resident on duty again…no response.
6:55 - Patient Number 2, as expected bed full of watery and smelly shit…complete cleanup is set on my task manager
7:05 - Interrupted by patient bell…”I need to go to the toilet can you wheel me over?”
7:10 - I’m starting to clean up the bed full of diarrhea…Patient Number 3 is whispering that he can’t breathe…I’m telling the Registered Nurse who is busy during the cleanup of the patient with the ripped off stitches.
7:16 - The Registered Nurse takes a look at the patient…Good work but a physician needs to take a look on him..keep on paging him!
7: 20 - Paging again…no response!
7:25 - Surprise show..the patient with the cleaned up fresh bed losed another gallon of diarrhea…This time I decide to go downstairs, catch a new bed and just move him over, push the dirty bed into an empty room.
7:40 - I’m back again with a fresh bed….again no nurse on the floor.
7:45 - I need support for the patient transfer….can’t do this alone….I’m seeing a colleague on the opposite ward and asking her to come over and help me.
7:55 - Because of the patients fear of falling down, the patient is not able to be transfered…try number 8 is successfull. During the maneuver the telephone was ringing.
8:02 Paging the internal medicine resident again…this time he calls back “Yeah why are you idiots paging me like hell?”
8:04 After a quick potrayal of the patients condition, he keeps saying “Yeaah..ahhhm….wait…yeaaah”
8:06 Final decision: “I gonna make some calls…call you back!”
8:10 I’m starting on patient Number 3 but I stop my morning care because of the exhaustion of him…he is so fucked up that I have a bad feeling leaving the room for answering the telephone.
8:11 - The internal medicine resident again…”I’m coming in, just wait a minute and I’m there!”
8:15 - The cart with the breakfast arrives…I have to ignore this!
8:20 - This time, 5 patient bells at the same time..everybody needs to go to the toilet and I still haven’t cleaned up the shit in one bed and the vomit in one room
8:30 - The Nightwatch Nurse says, I gotta catch up my daughter from her school trip at 9 o’clock Sorry!
8:31 - The shitty feeling of “We have 28 patients and we are just two nurses” comes up
8:33 - The other Registered Nurse starts her morning round (which is normally scheduled at 6:30)
8:45 - I managed to clean up the rooms, but I keep on running for bells with patients botherin my with their bullshit…this was the first time I had to say “I can’t listen to you today…I have NO time !”
8:50 - The internal medicine resident arrives…just a minute hein?
8:52 - He does a quick assignment and then tells me (the first year student nurse) that this patient needs an Chest X-Ray, a TEE and a bronchoscopy…he will be up in endoscopy to prepare it I just need to push him into the X-Ray and then to the endoscopy. (A few days earlier, the attending physican told me, it’s absolute crap to perform a bronchoscopy on a patient with severe pulmonary edema and low O2 Saturation and even with respiraty distress)
8:55 - I want to move the patient…but there is a problem I have no portable oxygen bottle for transporting the patient…I take a look at the oxgyen bottle at the ward and it’s completely empty…Emergency Department does not want to give me one of theirs..fucking wankers! So I just ask another ward which gives me the bottle after 10 minutes discussion.
9:05 - I take a few deep breaths….I have to transport this fairly unstable patient alone…the way up one level with the use of an elevator were very long…
9:07 - I arrive at X-Ray Department, Nobodys there!!!! I ask around and nobody knows…then the X-Ray Assistant appears from the elevator
9:10- Absolute ROOKIE MISTAKE: I totally forgot the patients charts…..
9:12 - ABSOLUTE ROOKIE MISTAKE: The X-Ray isnt’ approved by a physican so she can’t do it….The physician does not answer his pager as usual
9:15 - I’m alone on a floor with an unstable patient who is gasping for air, and I messed up everything !
9:20 - I decided not to bring him down again, I sit down at the X-Ray organization chart and do some telephone calls…finally the X-Ray is approved!
9:25 X-Ray is done, Up to endoscopy
9:30 The patient is in endoscopy
9:40 I’m starting to hand out breakfast, knowing that there are 5 patients who need help during morning care and had not seen a nurse since beginning of my shift….
10:00 The backup Registered Nurse arrives and is about to help the other R.N.
10:30 After some patient bells, I catch up the breakfast
10:45 Phone Call, Catch up the patient from endoscopy…direct priority transport to Intensive Care Unit
10:58 I transport the patient to ICU alone (which is forbidden!) and hand him over quickly!
10:30 I changed 14 diapers during this day

The rest of the day was the cleanup of the mess me and the other nurses did…. I finished my shift at 14:10 which is 40 minutes overtime…not much… I went home and did a list of crimes I commited this day and went to sleep from 16:00 to 20:30. I was fucked up like I never have been.

Stephan

["If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear!"]

So, I got out of my blogging schedule for weeks now and I canceled all my ideas I had in the past weeks and just write about what happened…

I had four weeks of nursing school (Which I like very much..Start at 8:00 and Final at 15:30, usually around 14:00 - 15:00) and the weeks were fun. This period of school was packed with more knowledge than my first school-period around october ‘07 and we had many things to learn. Unfortunalety the topics were a far cry from my interests. Here is a list what I can do now:

• Understanding what it means when a pregnant women says: “I’m in my 26th week now!”
• Understanding what it means when a pregnant women says: “My pants are wet!” (Amnotic sac burst)
• How to evaluate the position of the unborn by touching womens stomach
• Help and care during shit that can happen during and after a pregnancy (HELLP Syndrome, Vena Cava compression syndrome)
• How to do a basic interpretation of a CTG
• How birth and a sectio caesarae works
• How to perform and assist during a episotomy
• How to do an APGAR-score of the newborn
• Basic newborn care
• Basic newborn intensive care
• understanding the relationship between mother and child
• Understanding why girls are bitches during pregnancy
• Basic paediatric nursing
• Children’s illnesses
• Infant handling
• How deep shit is (stillbirth, abortion)
• What it means not to see or hear good
• Ophtalmologic nursing
• Otholaryngogy nursing
• How cool breast-feeding ist
• How stupid a few of my fellow colleauges can be
• How to do an injection
• How medical mathematics suck
• How to administer medication
• How dangerous and fucked up it can be to administer medication
• How not to fuck up your patients with medication

See, busy weeks and I’m celebrating that I have 20 or something duties on the orthopaedic ward left which leads me directly to the point that I’m off the hospital in july for over half a year and will return to the post-operative care unit and anaestesiology tract in the OR after that half year.

I’m also looking forward to my 4 week holiday.

I also found a website that describes official aiport symbol sings … I found this one for arriving flights

See the affinity?

RACISM IS EVERYWHERE

Stephan

["If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear!"]